It’s 11:35 pm on a Tuesday night. I am trying to wind down and go to sleep but as usual, tired but not quite sleepy yet.
So I lay here and think about things.
The endless list of “things” to fill my day and keep me busy. It can be exhausting at times.
I think about our future finances and whether I can go back to school to finish what I started. I also think about the cost being incurred by my children through pursuing a degree in the hopes of a better future for themselves and any future family they may have.
I think about what it would be like in a year’s time when my youngest goes off to school and I will be left alone for the first time in over 25 years. It is a daunting task before me that I waited for so long to happen but at the same time I dread.
I think about the fact that I may be alone and it brings up all this emotion inside of me. I think about the things that I miss about being in a relationship with someone.
I miss having someone to talk to about anything no matter how trivial it may be. Whether it was about movies, books, news, or what we had for lunch that day. It did not matter the topic. To me it was always the little things about the relationships that were important. It was the act of sharing something about ourselves with this other person that made it meaningful. That is something you cannot buy or acquire in any other way except by talking to each other.
I miss those quiet moments shared with the other person whether we were drinking coffee or just sitting by each other watching TV. It was the simple act of just being together in that moment that made everything worthwhile.
I miss sharing those private times that couples share with each other. The holding hands. The kiss on the lips whether it was a quick peck or long & passionate. Those moments of looking into their eyes and seeing a future with them. Those stolen moments of holding each other close, feeling the warmth of the other person, being intoxicated by their scent, and just feeling safe
I miss the long walks, holding hands and talking or sometimes walking in silence understanding each other with each step.
I miss laying there late at night and hearing the quiet breathing. The occasional snoring. The movements throughout the night. Those moments snuggling up to them and knowing they were there for you if you needed them.
I miss those moments of laughter and being silly, teasing each other, and making each other smile.
I miss those moments when everything seemed to be crashing down and you felt lost but they were there to pick you back up. Helping to keep you moving. Encouraging you. Motivating you. Challenging you. Your own personal cheerleader.
I do not know what the future holds for me. I can only have hope, faith, and belief that all the things I prayed for over the years will be answered. That the person I will be with can understand that these are important things to me.
I hope that they understand that a life in pursuit of material things, will never make them happy.
It is the soul that needs to be fed.
It is the mind that needs to be expanded.
It is the heart that needs to be loved.
It is the past that needs to be let go.
It is the future that needs to be sought.
It is the present that needs to be lived.
Thank you so much for stopping by.
Have a great week!