It is early in the morning and I automatically wake up before the alarm once more. I have been trying to adjust to getting back into a normal sleeping schedule again due the prospect of finding a full-time job.
The habit of scrolling through social media as soon as I wake up is something that I really need to cut back on but I truly enjoy seeing what others are up to around the world. It changes the way I feel and what I’m thinking about first thing in the morning.
In previous writings I talk about the fact that I grew up with depression and anxiety as well as being painfully shy. In my teen to early twenties I also had anger issues resulting in many fist fights mainly with boys my age. It was a hard life but one of the ways I survived was by blocking everything out through television, movies, books, music and art.
I did well in school but really was just an average student. I joined activities like choir and student organizations. I started developing my creativity through art and sewing. I attempted sports but I wasn’t dedicated enough to really focus on becoming good at it. I did have a few friends but we really only saw each other during school. I never really socialized outside of the school setting. I was basically a loner. School was my safe place during the day.
So as I was growing up I dreamt of these far off places I read about or saw on television or in the movies. Places where I wanted to be one day. Beautiful beaches with clear bright blue waters, mountainous peaks, exotic locations and luscious green valleys were always on top of the list. As I got older wonderful old architecture and historic places were added. Then museums filled with colorful artwork and pictures landed on the ever-growing list. Now places with wonderful foods, wines, and beautiful looking sweets have become a part of the list as well.
As I got older and eventually became a stay at home mom to my four awesome children, I would occasionally think about that list in my mind of the places I wanted to go after the kids grew up. The plan was for me and my husband to start traveling after the last one graduated from high school. Then the plans we made faded away over time.
So now when I think about the plan I try to only envision myself in these places maybe my children will go with me but I know they will have their own lives to lead. I need to face the future on my own terms and on my own time now. It is a little overwhelming sometimes but still possible and I haven’t given up hope.
Right now I’m working on the things that will help me get there such as being financially stable. That’s the biggest hindrance to everything I want to accomplish the rest of my life. I’m trying to secure a way to meet the goals I set for myself and be compensated well. So the first tentative travel goal is two to three years away. I know it will go by quickly so I’m going to have to hit the ground running if I get the job I am currently seeking.
So when I wake up in the morning, open up those apps and see what people are posting for that day it gives me new ideas of places I want to go, things I want to see and life experiences I want to have. I don’t know these Instagram and Facebook people but just having a small glimpse into their part of the world makes me feel somehow more connected, something I’ve never felt before until now.
It has definitely changed my perspective on the way I view things. I started feeling more positive about my future outlook and also about myself. I’ve been focusing on looking forward toward the future and trying not dwell so much on the past or looking backward toward things I cannot change. It’s been a long road to get here but I’m finally starting to enjoy the journey that has just begun.
Thank you for stopping by.
May you have clarity, peace of mind and positive vibes as you go along today.
Peace, love and happiness to you always.